Today is a day of very mixed emotions for me. It is two years today since I lost my Mum. Whilst we didn’t always see eye to eye I have come to realise that her style of parenting allowed me to find my wings and fly when the time was right. For that I will always be grateful. I watch some of my friends now and see how they bring up their children, how it is difficult for them to cut the apron strings and allow their children to make mistakes and grow and learn from those mistakes. I also see how difficult it is to be a parent and feel blessed that I have not had to burden the responsibility of being the one to nurture another human being to adulthood.
I love helping other people, teaching them new things. I love the challenge of meeting a youngster for the first time and drawing out their own unique talents, giving them confidence to try things and appreciate their own self worth. However, I am not responsible for them.
So the mixed emotions are; sadness that my Mum is no longer with me, that I did not understand her method of parenting and so never thanked her for allowing me to be Me and allowing me the space to learn from some (lets face it) huge mistakes. However I feel happy that I had her in my life for 42 years, that she was there for me at the happiest and saddest times in my life and listened to me rant on and on and on about boys and other stuff and never judged me. I wish that she was here now to see me settled and happy but it isnt to be.
So tonight I am going to raise a glass for my Mum and say Thank you for being there.
This was her favourite song so this is for her