Yet again, I am joining in with the Simple Woman and writing a journal about my day. If you want to join in then head on over to her website here
Outside my window, I potter in the garden looking in through the window at the table laden with vegetables waiting for me to decide what delights to conjure up for our evening meal. The relentless zooming of traffic creating a minor irritation as I try, and fail, to do a little reading and so I give in. I lean back on the bench to observe the birds flitting from hedge to tree to feeding station. The grey tit bathing in the drinking water oblivous of the robins hiding in the bushes around the pond and the blackbird stomping beneath the window where, earlier, I discarded the crumbs from the breadboard. Nothing seems to disturb them as they go about their business of enjoying the day. Wait, the traffic just stopped, oh the sweet refrain. I can hear the hum of a lawn mower as the neighbour fires up the petrol engine. The birdsong intensifies and the wood pigeon coos endlessly.And now the traffic roars again breaking the moment of calmness. I pick up the laptop and start to type. No need for thinking what I will write I will go with the flow.
I am thinking about the weeks to come and the things that I need to organise to put my life in order for the next stage of this adventure. No small things are required only huge great effort can see me through the maze that is life. I am thinking that, perhaps, I have been taking things too seriously, where did my resolve go to enjoy life and live each day. Almost 12 months ago now since I made that decision to step off the merry go round only to step right back on 6 months later. And now, 6 months down the line I feel the need to step right back off and onto the more gentle ride akin to punting on the river.
I am thankful to have been given such a wonderful opportunity in the work that I have been doing. To work for a charity that inspires young people and really helps them to change their lives can only be a good thing. I am even more thankful to be able to recognise when the time is right to move on. Moving on, however, might not be as simple as just walking away. Each time I make the decision to do that another inspirational event happens and I change my mind. Time will tell me when the time is right.
In the kitchen lie abandoned cookbooks brought with me from my previous home prop up the remote control for the tv. I have no inclination to leaf through them as I have done at times of stress and manic acitivity. No motivation to bake, cook, brew, experiment. This is so unlike me, I am not sure that I am comfortable with this me. I love to cook and create. I accept that this is a phase in my life that I have to embrace, I need to consider other things and that is ok too.
I am wearing wellington boots, even though the sun is shining,intermittently, through the grey clouds. I like stomping through the long grass around the garden but I am not brave enough to chance treading on a frog in my converse.
I am creating too many problems in my head. Time to clear them away. Make room for creative thoughts and happy plans. A little planning and considering are the tools I turn to when I feel out of control of my life.
I am going to head indoors soon and brew a lovely cup of tea, sit in the conservatory and watch the garden from indoors for a while. This will be my last full weekend here and I want to savour every moment, good, indifferent and down right irritating. Yes that includes the traffic.
I am wondering what life may be like in 12 months time as I aim not to look back to this time last year when my life changed drastically.
I am reading too many books at once. Today is a chic lit book by Jenny Colgan alongside, Dawn French’s autobiography and Paul McGee’s “How to Succeed with People”
I am hoping that the weather is kind to us on our long journey next weekend. I don’t mind the rain but when I was heading to this new life I drove through floods and storms for over 8 hours, eventually taking two days to arrive instead of one. It was a tough journey. With hindsight I see it as a metaphor for the year that was ahead. Six months in and I feel that I still have a lot battling to do but at least if the sun shines I can recharge my batteries and take up the reigns again after a lull in proceedings.
I am looking forward two whole weeks of being “home” in a place that I found difficult to live in I agree but I always loved the countryside, the scenery, the beaches, the mountains. The birds, the sheep, the cows, the squirrels. My time away and a short trip back has taught me that I can appreciate what I have there and it will help me to work out where I go next.
I am learning that I love gardens, I love the peace they bring (despite the noise of traffic and petrol lawnmowers) but I no longer have the capacity or the energy to manage a garden of this size. I am learning that what I love is the relaxation, a beautiful place to sit and just be at one with myself. Lessons that will serve me well in choosing my next resting place.I am learning that home isn’t about a place, it is about the things that you have around you. I am not materialistic but I do believe that a few sentimental objects, your own bed and sofa and books, never forget the books, are the things that I find make me feel homely and settled. Of course it goes without saying that friends and family are also “home” unfortunately they cant always be there.
Around the house the washing machine is whirring, there are boxes half filled with, yes you guessed it, books and other cooking utensils. Washing is folded and waiting to be taken back to the airing cupboard. Max is looking out of the window but refuses to come into the garden as he isnt allowed to eat the sweet grass.
I am pondering life. Yes, I am thinking deeply about what life means to me. As an individual, not taking into account others beliefs about what I should be doing or thinking or feeling but what life means to me. That simple. If I am not happy then how can I expect the people around me to be happy with me.
A favorite quote for today…“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘I’m possible’!”
― Audrey Hepburn
One of my favorite things in the whole world is liquorice. I have always loved liquourice, its sweet sticky taste, the texture on my tongue as I chew, the intense pleasure that it gives me. In fact, I think I am going to make that tea a nice cup of liquourice tea. And I recently discovered more about it’s health value so more liquorice and less chocolate everybody.
A few plans for the rest of the week: Workwise I have a major project to wrap up. I have to write my finding and make recommendations to the board. I need to prepare a presentation and deliver it to a group of staff. I need to tie up loose ends before I head off into the sunset towards Wales.
At home, I will be packing up and hopefully making the most of a few sunsets on late evening walks.