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This year I have made many journeys on trains to and from various places. You would think that I would be tired of railway stations but, thanks to meeting some friends for an evening catch up  I made my second ever visit to St Pancras Station. A place that was to become my own personal oasis by the end of the year. A place that I retreat to in the evenings. The hustle and bustle of this place more akin to adventure than the onslaught of stress and business that I encounter every other day that I spend in London. A place that renews and restores my soul as I immerse myself in its surroundings.

This statue on the concourse intrigues me. Is it lovers meeting after a time apart or a couple saying goodbye as they inevitably part. Irrespective, the love is there for all to see.

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I have found myself, often, sitting on a bench near to that statue, watching people scurry about their business. Some are commuters passing through on their daily passage to and from work. Not taking in their surroundings, oblivious to the life that teems around them. Fighting the daily grind and surviving however they can.

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Some are excited travellers arriving by train to start their adventures in London  or passing through on their way to other exciting destinations.  Some tired and weary from long journeys looking for some rest and recuperation

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As I sat, I wondered about  the lives that these people lived and pondered the direction that my life is heading in. How am I supposed to stop myself in my own tracks. What do I need to do to get off this runaway train. These and many other questions running through my mind, wearing me down and giving me cause to question the decisions I have made and the ability to carry on.

It has been a strange year. Lots of lows and a few highs. Hard work, long working hours, longer commuting hours. Homes found and homes left behind. New exciting places to discover but moving on sooner than I would have wished. For the best part of the year I have felt totally out of control of my life, a fan standing on the sidelines watching as players career past at breakneck speed before being tackled to the ground only to stand and have another go as I shout them on with encouraging words.

I often say that I am like a Weeble. I wobble but I dont fall down. Unfortunately I have discovered by the end of the year that I do fall down. And I have fallen hard and fast. This time I think I might just stay down for a while. As for being the fan on the sidelines, well hopefully I will find a few of those to shout me on as I have no strength left to be the one doing the coaxing.

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In reality I have total control over my life. I know that for sure. I just need to take back control and work out what I really want from life before picking myself up, dusting myself off and starting all over again, on unfurled wings

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